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Yo, porn makes threesomes look so good. I don’t understand why real life isn’t more like porn. I’m sure if I had a real three-way, it would be exactly like this. 2. I can’t believe I’m getting the opportunity to have a real three-way. I bet this shit happens to PORN STAR all the time. This is what it feels like to be PORN STAR 3. Wait. I only have one penis and there are two vaginas. What the hell am I supposed to do with the other vagina? I feel like I’ve been tricked. This is regular sex but more work. 4. Are they going to do lesbian stuff? I’m going to try to make them ki — alright, well, I guess that means no lesbian stuff. That’s really putting the pressure on me. 5. I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF A THREESOME! [singing] This is so great. I am having sex with two different vaginas. I can't wait to tell everyone about this. I am the best person ever. 6. Ok, I guess you try to move — nope. That’s not going to work. Alright, you get on top and you hold — dammit. Your elbow is literally inside my eye socket right now. How does no one know what to do here? Did we all just forget how to have sex? Ok, she’s literally just standing around right now. This is basically a middle-school play. 7. There are four naked boobs in this room. That's two more than usual. Awesome. 8. Oh wait, shit. I’m supposed to come. I forgot about that part because I was so busy focusing on two vaginas and four boobs. I guess I’ll just jerk off in front of you two for a few minutes? This feels less cool and more weird. 9. I feel like I’m trying to survive a bear attack. I’m not making eye contact, I'm making myself look as big as possible, and I'm making a lot of noise for no reason. 10. That was awkward and cumbersome and messy and great and fun. WAIT A MINUTE THAT WAS THE SAME AS REGULAR SEX. 11. Hey, bro! I had a three-way! Yeah, it was amazing! It was so cool! The girls were so into it! Yeah, I’m the man. 12. And on the off-chance you're in a “Devil’s Triangle” (two dudes, one girl): NO NO NO NO I HATE THIS I HATE THIS IHATETHISIHATETHISNONONONONONONONO. I’m sorry.

Featuring a 6.0″ 720p flexible OLED display, the G Flex pioneers LG’s lineup of curved smartphones. It’s an important product in a freshly introduced category of smartphones and the company hopes it lures adventurous customers with a plethora of cool features both on the hardware and software fronts. The LG G Flex is based on the LG G2 – it’s powered by a Qualcomm Snapdragon 800 SoC with 2.26GHz quad-core CPU. The rest of the specs are equally similar and include 2GB of RAM, 32GB of built-in memory and 13MP camera. The smartphone packs full connectivity suite, including compatibility with the speedy LTE-A networks in Korea. It will boot Android 4.2.2 Jelly Bean dressed in LG’s proprietary UI. On the outside, the G Flex is made of plastic. Interestingly, it’s capable of bending quite a lot when pressed in the middle, the phone straightens up without any damage. Even more impressively, LG has worked out a innovative coating that’s placed on the back of the G Flex, which self-heals from light to medium scratches. The curve of the LG G Flex is hard to miss The measures of the LG G Flex are 160.5 x 81.6 x 7.9/8.7mm (the thickness of the phone depends on the point of its curve), while its weight tips the scale at 177 grams. The handset is powered by a 3,500mAh battery which is massive and we suspect it’s going to be a real trooper when the time for our battery tests comes. At the back, the button placement is virtually the same as the G2. There’s the power button tucked between the volume rocker buttons. The camera is on top of them all and has an LED flash sitting on its right, while an IR blaster sits on the left side. A particularly cool feature is that the power button glows and acts as a notification light. As we mentioned earlier, the most notable feature of the LG G Flex is its curved display. It’s a 6″ P-OLED display, which thanks to its curve offers improved legibility when strong light sources are present. Its colors are also very pleasant to look at. Where it disappoints though is the resolution – at 720p it offers a pixel density of 245ppi, which is okay, but not spectacular.

1. Foreplay

. Porn star: "All this soft touching is boring! Real Grown-Up Women only have an orgasm by going from 0 to full penetration! Now fuck the shit out of me even though I am not properly lubricated and am also not that turned on by you personally, because that feels great!" Real woman: "Uh, you DO know that if we don't make out for like half an hour before we have sex, I will be dry right? Okay, great, now please make some kind of tactile contact with one or both of my boobs." 2. Body hair. Porn star: "Women don't have hair anywhere except their head, and I guess their eyebrows! Also, we don't go to the bathroom, and when we cough, tiny fairies jump out of our mouths and toss glitter in your eye!" Real woman: "I do not enjoy lying in a freezing cold room with my legs in the air while an Eastern European woman with dead eyes rips my pubic hair off. Deal with it." 3. Discovering that your partner has a huge penis.. Porn star: "Oh my God, you're huge! I love gigantic hard cocks everywhere, like on my desktop computer wallpaper, or even in my ear!" Real woman: "Holy SHIT. CAN'T." (You guys know that line from "Peacock," the Penis Ode by Katy Perry? "I just shed a tear / I was so unprepared?" That's how I feel when I am caught off-guard by a giant erect penis.) 4. Giving a blowjob. Porn star: "I love doing this! I love everything about this! I would definitely rather not be doing anything else, like playing with kittens or receiving a merit award!” Real woman: "Is this working? It seems like it is. Do I need to do something with the balls? I should maybe ask Yahoo Answers, since they are clearly the authority on everything. Man, this is taking awhile. It will be awesome when I can breathe again." 5. Swallowing. Porn star: “Mmmm, I wish they bottled this and sold it Real woman: "I just put these nice Ralph Lauren sheets on my bed, so why not! Also, do you have some gum?” 6. Getting a facial. Porn star: "Ooh! This is like being misted with refreshing spa water, but mixed with Play Dough, and seXXXier!" Real woman: "This is actually kind of hot. But is it going to cancel the effects of that actual Groupon facial I got last week?" 7. Doggy-style. Porn star: "This element of degradation and anonymity is definitely not making me wonder whether you are actually attracted to me! I will call you ‘Daddy’ now because that’s not weird for either of us!" Real woman: "I should really get that wall repainted." 8. Anal sex. Porn star: "I’ve never felt such an intense sense of satisfaction with my personal and professional life as I do when my butthole is being reamed.” Real woman: "Why did I agree to do this? Would my whole life have been different , Am I pooping? Am I pooping on a dick right now?" 9. Receiving oral sex. Porn star: "Oh my God! That’s it! Right there! Yeah!" Real woman: "Sort of. Down more. A little to the left. No, too far left. No, that’s my elbow. Actually, fuck it, Duck Dynasty’s on." 10. Having an orgasm. Porn star: "If I fake this unnaturally attractive orgasm loud enough nobody will be able to tell that I am actually thinking about what I'm going to make my two-year-old son for dinner tonight! So here I go: EEEEEEEEEEE!" Real woman: *flops around* "************!*!*!*~~~~~*!!!!!" *makes weird faces, probably.* 11. Afterwards. Porn star: "Again, again!" Real woman: "Want to make me some grilled cheese? Also, can you take the trash out? Thanks!"

Here’s what’s new in Android 4.4 KitKat

Android 4.4 KitKat is the first version of Google’s mobile operating system to get a new dessert name since mid-2012 when Android 4.1 Jelly Bean first launched. But aside from a name change, what’s new in Android 4.4? Google’s latest version of Android looks a lot like earlier versions, but it has a few noticeable new features and a lot of changes under the hood that could lead to a more unified experience no matter which Android phone or tablet you’re using. Better support for low-end smartphones Top tier phones like the HTC One, LG G2, and Samsung Galaxy S4 get a lot of attention. But an awful lot of the Android phones in the wild are cheaper models with less storage and memory, lower resolution displays, and all the other compromises you’d expect from lower-cost devices. Google wants Android 4.4 to run on those devices nearly as well as it does on high-end models. KitKat is said to support phones with as little as 512MB of memory, for example, and Google will provide developers with tools to create apps that work within those constraints. At a time when some Android phones have as much as 3GB of RAM, it’s nice to know you might not need that much memory. Google says the memory improvements will also help speed up multitasking on all systems. When Google decided to try to improve touch responsiveness a while back, the company called the initiative Project Butter. The new memory enhancements are part of a new effort called “Project Svelte.” New and improved phone app Google has updated the phone dialer app with integration of a search field that works across contacts, nearby places and a Google Apps account. The app also prioritizes contacts based on who you talk to most. The latest Google Hangouts app also provides a more unified service, bringing together SMS, chat, and video calls in one place. Google’s new phone app also includes a caller ID that will try to identify the source of a call even if it comes form an unknown number. It’ll look for local businesses in Google Maps for clues, for instance. Launcher, Google Now and Voice Search Not only can you get to Google Now by swiping up on the home screen once, but Google is also integrating voice actions into the launcher — you can say “OK Google” to launch voice search or use voice commands to send a text, get directions, or play music. “OK Google” works whenever you’re on your device’s home screen or using Google Now. There’s no need to tap a microphone icon to start a voice action. Immersive Mode Want to get rid of the on-screen buttons while reading a book, playing a game, or watching a movie? There’s a new immersive mode which makes everything but the app disappear. You can bring up your status bar and buttons again by swiping from the edge of the screen. Printing One of the key differences between a mobile tablet or phone and a traditional PC like a desktop or notebook is that it’s easy to hook up the latter to a printer. Google’s making it easier to use a printer with mobile devices by integrating support for Google Cloud Print at the operating system level. This means that you’ll be able to print documents, email messages, pictures, or other items using WiFi or Bluetooth. You’ll need a printer that supports wireless connections and which uses Google’s Cloud Print service if you want to do that without turning on your PC first. But it’s a big improvement over emailing yourself a document and printing it from your computer. Cloud Storage Want to save files to Google Drive or another online storage system instead of to your local storage? No problem. Support for cloud storage services is built right into the operating system and already works with QuickOffice and other apps. Support for wearable devices Android 4.4 adds support for new types of sensors including step detectors, step counters, and geomagnetic rotation. In other words, it’ll support the kind of fitness and location-related apps that you might want to include on a smartwatch or other wearable device. TV control Some companies include IR ports and TV remote control software on their devices, but now Google wants to make it easier for developers to create third-party TV controller apps that work across devices by building support for them into the operating system itself. That way you don’t need to use different APIs for Samsung and HTC devices, for instance. This feature still requires an infrared blaster though, so it won’t work with all phone and tablets. Screen recording It looks like Koush didn’t need to build his own screen recording tool for Android. It’s built into Android 4.4. There’s a screen recording utility aimed at developers that want to record high-quality MP4 videos of their software for tutorials or marketing. Developers will be able to block screen recording in certain apps — preventing you from doing things like recording and saving videos from Netflix. Other updates There are many other changes, including: • The app drawer now has a transpaent background, so it shows the same wallpaper as your home screen. The wallpaper also extends through the system buttons and notification tray. • The Lock Screen can now show fullscreen album art, media controls, and other widgets. • There’s a low-power audio playback mode that lets you listen to music for up to 60 hours on a Nexus 5. • Google has made tweaks that could improve efficiency of sensors and WiFi adapters to improve battery life on some devices. • There’s system-level support for NFC. It works with any mobile carrier and lets apps manage your data either using your device or cloud storage. • There’s support for Bluetooth MAP (Message Access Profile) communications with cars. • Apps can now use Chrome web view to display web content. • There’s support for closed captioning and subtitles. You can enabled them in Settings > Accessibility. • There are now list and grid views in the Downloads app. • The email app now supports nested folders and contact photos. • You wanted an Emoji keyboard? You’ve got it. You can find more technical details in the Android 4.4 platform highlights page for developers. Android 4.4 KitKat ships with the Google Nexus 5, and it’ll be available as a software update soon for the Nexus 4, Nexus 7, Nexus 10, and Google Play Editions of the Samsung Galaxy S4 and HTC One.

Stork suspected of being a SPY detained by police in Egypt Egyptian authorities have detained a bird that a citizen suspected of being a spy. Officials say a man took the bird to a police station in the Qena governorate, some 280 miles southeast of Cairo, on Friday. He suspected the bird was an undercover agent because it carried an electronic device[MICROCHIP]. A migrating stork is held in a police station after a citizen suspected it of being a spy and brought it to the authorities. The head of security in Qena confirmed that officials examined the bird and the device. was neither an explosive nor a spying device. It is thought to have probably been a wildlife tracker. Earlier this year, a security guard filed a police report after capturing a pigeon he said carried microfilm. With turmoil gripping Egypt, authorities and citizens remain suspicious of anything foreign. The country has been in turmoil following the July 3 coup that toppled President Mohammad Morsi. Clashes between Egyptian security forces and Morsi’s supporters have killed hundreds of people. ‘We do believe that the recent operations of the security forces have been disproportionate and we’re worried about the resulting alarming number of people that have been killed,’ said the EU’s foreign policy chief Catherine Ashton. Clashes between supporters of the Muslim Brotherhood and Egypt’s ousted president Mohamed Morsi continue Political turbulence has kept Egypt on edge for months. At least 900 people, including 100 soldiers and police, have been killed in a crackdown on Morsi supporters, making it the country’s bloodiest internal episode in decades. The United States and the European Union have both been reviewing aid to Cairo in light of the bloodshed, but Saudi Arabia, a foe of the Brotherhood, has promised to make up any shortfall.

The Galaxy Note 10.1 2014 Edition is Samsung’s second 10-inch, pen-based Android tablet. Just like last year’s Note 10.1 this premium slate is designed for productivity and not just entertainment. Priced at about $550 the Note is at least $50 more than it’s closest tablet competition. The higher price isn’t just because of the HD+ resolution display, the octa-core processor, or the ultra thinness every tablet is trying to achieve these days. It’s also due to the S Pen and the Wacom technology behind it that allows for a pen and paper-like writing experience. . Android still can’t replace Windows for real work due to limitations in the operating system — and the apps available. The Note clears a few of those obstacles away. It offers better multitasking with MultiWindow, for instance, and adds some new tricks via the S Pen.